Just a Memory (November 26, 1999)

I wrote this in 2004 for a class. It was a memory essay we had to write about. I lost a dear friend, my grandmother on November 26, 1999. It is still one memory I have not forgotten, a lot before this date and especially in a few years past it are blurry. But that day, that night, my world had changed forever. I was just 8 years old and I already knew death close and personal. It took a long time to get over it, forget and forgive who took her away. I grew up a lot after it, and thankfully it did not destroy me but rather, like a lot of big moments (good or bad) of my life, I took what I needed to learn and I worked through it. It may take me a while to get over things, but the part I am proud of, is... yes,  I feel it, and at times I still get angry or sad, but I move on. I let it go. I don't let the people I loved go, but I just let things be and go on from there. I wrote this to try and help me, and actually it did. I am not saying that my loss is any more than someone else's but this is how I deal with things. I write or paint them out.

Here's my paper:

I remember the day that my grandma got killed and my grandpa got put in the hospital. But the one I remember the most, [is] death. My grandma's death happened 4 years ago, the day after one of the funniest holidays of the year - Thanksgiving, the day you really enjoy yourself with family and friends. Now when Thanksgiving comes around each year, for my family and me it is no longer a time of fun with family or a time of thanksgiving. I am telling this story about my grandma's death to help me get these memories out of my head.

November 26th, 1999 started out like any other day for me, nothing seemed different from any other day. The people seemed the same, just like any other day in my eight year old life. I was excited because my mom was taking me over to play at my best friend Amanda's house for the afternoon. Just before my mom and I were ready to leave my grandma called my mom on her cell phone and asked my mom if she could leave the movie my mom had told my grandma about outside on the door handle in a plastic bag for her and my grandpa to pick up. The movie was about a lady who was dying [A Walk to Remember, actually]. We put the movie on the handle and left for Amanda's house.

After we were at Amanda's for a few hours my mom got a call from the a lady at the hospital who said that my grandma and grandpa had gotten in an accident [which I did not know at the time] and she should go there as soon as possible. When my mom got back from the hospital several hours later, she was crying and every upset. She took me in her arms and told me that my grandma had died and that my grandpa was hurt very badly when their car was hit by another car. She said they had operated on grandpa and he would probably be alright but grandma had gone to heaven. I felt like I would never stop crying because I had lost the best friend I had ever had.

Since that day I have never been the same. I isolated myself from my friends and my family for the rest of the fourth grade. It still hurts, almost five years later the same way it hurt that night my mom told [me] she had died. Her death [is] still with me everyday and I feel like this pain and suffering will never go away. The space that my grandma filled in my heart is still empty. She stole a part of my heart when she died and it feels like a big black hole that no one can fill. She was my best friend and just like that she was gone.

When [you lose] one of your family members, someone your very close to, that is a day you never forget. The day my grandma died is one of those days, for me, a memory that I wish I could just forget.

Ending
I dedicate this story to my grandma,
To myself,
My family,
And to all of those people who know how I feel.

My grandma died the day after Thanksgiving, On November 26th, 1999 at 6:27pm