My eating disorder is just so very happy with me but I'm not happy with it... Life is good and busy. I'm happy with my relationship but with relationships comes what I call, "happy pounds." They don't have to stay of course but it's still upsetting because of how hard I worked to only gain most of it back. Plus my job and some health issues have gotten in the way as of late with working out and finding that time again and energy.
This is... Upsetting and brings back a lot of insecurities and mental discomfort. It's a lot of anxiety and a ton of over thinking but there my eating disorder lives. Its back getting to me more and more. Speaking to me through my own thoughts, continuously beating me down on my relationship, my health, my eating, my clothes, my work, my home life, my friends, my family, my looks, my motivation. Constant judgement no matter what or where I go.
Even if it's a catch of the past or just a image of myself in a window. It is always there. Sometimes I can make it be quieter... But sometimes. It finds a way back to the front of your mind like a virus in a computer. The only thing is... We can't just be cleared of that virus. All you can do is try to get the the core of the issue and try to put it back to where it belongs... Which is out of my head.
Note: Please never get depression, anxiety or ED's messed up. They are all different. I suffer from all of the above. They work in different ways but I know that I have put them in their place before... I am hoping before they get too out of control... I can put them back.
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