Just one wish

Dating and I have never been friends, when something good happens to me like finding someone, they always turn into something other than human. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I don't deserve someone that is honest, loving, sincere, funny and just over all a good person. When I meet someone, I want to jump too fast because they jumped in, then they get freaked and run away. For once I would like to find someone who would just run to me, not away. It's scary as is, and then there are complications... like timing. Bad timing and I would appear to be best friends but all I want to do is break up that pair.

Sometimes I feel like I have to believe that my mate, is off somewhere in a coma, at least he's there, on earth even though I will never get to meet him. Dating is so difficult and I wish for once it would work out. For once I wish timing was on my side.

Then there is one final issue with dating and I... I have the worst luck and I fuck up a lot. I used to mess up all the time because all I wanted was a relationship. My methods were not the best and my friends definitely frowned upon them. I am not proud of some of the things that I did or have done. I get weird when I try to date. I don't hide or run away, but my mind tries to disconnect from my feelings. I need open communication or my mind goes insane at a thousand miles per hour. To understand this a bit more, my favorite movie is "He's just not that into you."

But when it comes down to it everyone has flaws, and I have mine. Everyone seems to be finding that person that accepts those. But just once I wish someone would take those and my scars... and love them. This world Is too crazy to live it alone.

Maybe he's not in a coma, and he might even be out there looking for me too. My inner self is screaming out to our world, "I'm right here! Waiting for you!"

I'm tired. And I just wish my heart would get that memo.

I do know one thing... when someone gives me a chance and it feels right to me. I'll stop wishing for my mate. I will feel pretty damn lucky.