Inner Demons that I have...

I have alway had some type of depression ever since I was about 8 years old. I thought I had it all figured out, and then somewhere along the way, I just started breaking. I fell to pieces in these last two years and when I start to get a feel for it, something else happens.

Hey, it's life, right? But it doesn't mean it hurts any less or fuck with my head. My mind used to be such a great place to be for me, and now it is almost like that is the one place I wish I could get away from. My head just fucks with me, my life and everyone inside of it.

I watch Netflix at home, 24/7 to not let the silence get to me, but it still does sometimes, like today. Just days where I want to cry, because I don't know what to do anymore.

"Stay positive," "things will be okay," sayings like this running around me, and I try to listen to happy music even. How can someone get into your own head and just turn all of your emotions into one shitty pile, so you become alienated and start to wonder what is a dream and what isn't.

I feel alone, even though I am not. But it just seems to be getting worse and worse and I am running out of fuel, but not to worry, I think suicide is one of the worst things to do to your loved ones and to yourself, so I will find another way to resolve these inner conflicts.

Thanks for reading.
Rachelle Star

PS. I thought I would say that I have been one this diet and meal change for two weeks and I have lost 6 pounds thus far. My life isn't bad, I just wish my head would let me enjoy it.