I have a little secret...

I am a girl that is not thin, I think I am pretty but sometimes when it comes to guys liking me I don't think that cuts it.

I have a crush and it has been a long time since I have had one. This year has really been a year of guys since my ex broke up with me. I am not saying I am a slut, I don't sleep with them or anything of the like. But I hangout with guys as friends and they start to like me for just being me. Some of my friends say I flirt but honestly I am really friendly and nice and I will just talk to people I don't know because they seem like they needed a smile.

 But any-who, so this crush. We have been hanging out, but these hangout's have been a little more than friends, like a kiss or something. All PG-13 stuff. And I have been fighting with myself, trying to not like him, because I am scared of getting hurt because to be honest, I feel as though I am out of his league. And this is the first time I have ever felt that way in my life and that scares the crap out of me. I feel like a little teenage girl writing this in my diary but I needed to tell someone. And, if he were to see this and figure it out, oh well, maybe that will put an end to this or a start in something wonderful.

He seems interested because of how we act together, but then when I try to talk about it, he doesn't want to hear it. He just got out of a relationship like 6 months ago and he loved her so I wonder if he is just pushing me away cause of that, or if he thinks he can get someone better. It is just sort of sucky though, cause why not just let it happen? Cause who knows how it will go and it could be amazing or we could find out that we are better friends. BUT I WISH WE COULD AT LEAST TALK ABOUT IT. Resolve it. Because honestly, I really enjoy spending time with him, and I did just break up with someone, but I don't know why put I haven't felt a connection like this since I was 16 with the guy that broke up with me a year ago for good.

And to be honest the last time I put my neck out there, and told someone I was interested... jokes on me because they were married.

SO I am not the best at this type of stuff to say the least. But that is my not-so secret anymore and I am stuck.

Thank you for reading,
Rachelle Star